


because without the dark, we'd never see the stars

by greedytongue (ohboylondon)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 1:15 am sad drabble, Angst, M/M, Oh, Sad, Tea, depressed!harry, depressed!louis, imaginary!louis, literally like barely any harry/niall, this is a sad thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 21:17:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1061749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohboylondon/pseuds/greedytongue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>but now, two am and alone, it's the worst time to be alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	because without the dark, we'd never see the stars

**Author's Note:**

> i'm tired and sad and this happened so i'm sorry.
> 
> unedited, proofread, or betaed. literally just wrote this, so.

the sidewalk is cold under his ass when he sits down, a steaming mug of tea in his hands. nighttime is the hardest for him, though he'd never admit it; he used to spend all of his time up late at night, writing sonnets and songs about blue eyes and soft fringe and silly tattoos that meant the world to him. but now, two am and alone, it's the worst time to be alive. the night knows all his secrets and he hates it.

harry bristles when he hears footsteps coming up from his left, not lifting his head from where he's tucked it over his mug. the steam blows in his face and warms his nose.

"didn't think i'd find you here, to be honest."

the body plops right beside him, making harry shake his head, a crooked little smile on his face. "i've been coming here a lot, since you've left."

harry looks up to find louis, electric blue eyes and scruffy chin, still tan despite him not seeing the sun for a long time. he's still twenty-two, still beautiful. it makes his chest hurt as he breathes in deep.

"how've you been, harry? i figured hiding in the night isn't very safe, so this must be heavy stuff, huh?" louis' eyes crinkle as he grins, his head tilting to the side the way it always did when he was genuinely curious.

"some nights are made for torture, or reflection, or savoring of loneliness." harry sips his tea.

"been reading zayn's tweets again, have you?"

"i've been lonely."

the conversation drops at that. harry crosses his ankles over one another, lets his legs stretch out into the street. he sets his mug beside him and watches the way louis eyes it.

"i thought you didn't like the dark," louis says after a while as he traces a finger around the brim of harry's tea. the finger dips inside and harry clenches his jaw when the tea doesn't react, but stays motionless as if it never happened.

"you always did."

"because without the dark, we'd never see the stars," louis pauses, "and i would've never met you."

harry scoffs at that, feeling his eyes water. his fists clench on his lap, his ears are turning red from the cold. "and i'd be happy. or close to it." he lies through his teeth, he'd never be as happy. instead of meeting louis under the only streetlight within miles, flickering above his head as he waited for niall to come get him- he could have been at home or with friends, drinking and living while they're young.

"harry-"

"why?" it isn't the first time he's asked this. why. why did you walk into my life, why did you make me so happy, why did you leave me in the end. "when it got so hard, you didn't even talk to me about it. i thought you were happy."

"i was-"

"happy people don't kill themselves!" harry screams into the open air. "happy people don't fucking die by their own hand! they don't leave..." he lets the tears slip down his cheeks. "they don't leave me.. so, completely alone." he lets himself fall backwards onto the concrete, feeling the cold seeping into his skin.

"you left me to do this all by myself, lou. how could you?"

harry doesn't need to turn his head, to look at louis and see his reaction; he knows the way he'd be smiling with guilt, sadness, frustration. he knows that the smile turns to a frown after a beat, too, because he knows the answer to his own questions.

"i didn't like living, harry. you know that," harry knows, he knows, and he chokes out a sob as he nods because he fucking knew the whole time. "and when i met you, i knew that you'd become the center of my whole world.. and you did. you were the one thing that i could count on to make me smile every day."

harry throws an arm over his face, trying his best not to completely lose himself.

"but it wasn't enough."

he wasn't enough, harry isn't enough for louis. he knew that, he knows that he was never good enough, yet stayed. harry stayed, tried to make him smile, and ignored the protruding bones and paling skin on louis because it was just a phase, harry told himself, and louis will get better and everything will be okay.

"i'm sorry, harry. i wasn't good enough for you. i wasn't happy enough, and i couldn't hang on for you- i'm so fucking sorry, haz, i didn't think about you when i did it. i didn't think i'd hurt you."

and that's where harry scrubs at his eyes hard, sitting back up. it's no use, he's still sobbing uncontrollably, but louis looks like he did when he was close to the end. sunken cheeks and looking ghostly, with his blue eyes dim and bags beneath his eyes. harry whimpers at the image of louis' still smiling face, even if it isn't a convincing one.

"i'm sorry i wasn't enough, louis, i'm sorry i couldn't make you happy," harry tries to reach a hand out, comes close to stroking louis' cheek. "i wish i could have taken it away, i just want to touch you again. i miss you so fucking much."

as harry tries to reach for louis, louis starts to slide backwards from him. "harry, stop." but he doesn't listen, but stretches his arm out father, his throat catching when he's close. harry pretends to feel warmth there. "please, harry, don't-"

harry's hand passes through louis' cheek, down his neck, as if he isn't even there. and harry knows he isn't, but still wishes.

"i love you, h."

 

 

 

 

  
when harry gets back to his flat at four am, dirty mug in the sink and joggers slung low on his hips, he curls into the welcoming arms of a half-asleep niall, who kisses his head and starts humming a lullaby.

**Author's Note:**

> so how was my first time at sad stuff
> 
> please tell me, you beautiful angst writers, how do you do it


End file.
